The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
