The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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