when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
