Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
