So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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