This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
