I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
