she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
