Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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