So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
