I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
