chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
