then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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