Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'd cum for enchiladas.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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