he shaved USA in his pubs
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
high people should be assigned attendants
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
