So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
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And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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