in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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