No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
