This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
