Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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