i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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