My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
