the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
