Im at strip club and am horny
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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