I am puke
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
