How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Randomize
