So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i think i just lost a toe
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
