Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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