I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
