cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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