i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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