I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
