Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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