last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
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She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
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Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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