She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
