I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
