lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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