she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
