Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Shame is for Republicans.
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