Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
