Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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