we have pet lesbian snakes
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
