That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize