My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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