accomplished twins. life is a go
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
