i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
