I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it was like having sex with a tree stump
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
