4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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