she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
