Fine. I'll sleep in my office
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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