I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
