What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
