I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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