I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it was like eating out sand paper
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
