my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
