I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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