Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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