I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
