Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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