Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
babies were throwing up all over the place
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
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Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
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I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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