My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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