Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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