Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
