i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
