you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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