Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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