I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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