Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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