my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize