Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
